As Trump goosesteps his way to the nomination thanks to the Confederate wing of the Republican party, that half of their voters and 25% of all Americans who reflexively hate anything black/brown/female/foreign/gay/modern/Democratic/Obaman/etc., the game will soon turn to the other half of Republicans, our seemingly moderate and rational friends and neighbors, our churchgoers, classmates and colleagues. Seeing that all the Republican candidates stated unequivocally last night that they would support Trump as their party’s nominee despite their spending every waking hour castigating him in a thousand deserving ways, we can expect the seemingly rational half of the party to support him too. But how will these people excuse their votes, if only to beat their consciences into submission?
Here are the top ten ways. You may have others.
10. Just because I voted for a racist, doesn’t make me a racist.
9. C’mon, he’ll never do all those awful things. He’s just saying that to get my vote.
8. And what has Hillary ever done? Trump’s rich.
7. Listen, I’m not talking about an Hispanic Holocaust. I’m talking about the economy.
6. Everybody lies. Look at the Democrats. They lie all the time.
5. I’m a Republican. I have to support him.
4. Right, and you agree with everything Hillary says.
3. Then I guess you like losing. Loser.
2. So what if he builds a wall. Hoover built dams. Ike built highways. It’s called “infrastructure.”
And the #1 excuse seemingly rational Republicans will give for voting for Trump:
1. I’m not voting for that stupid bitch.